You know you're from Amherst when...
You may be from Amherst if...
- You ever boasted about having a Buffalo Sabre as a next door neighbor.
- You ever worked at Stereo Advantage, or any of their affiliated
businesses ([insert name here] Advantage, Tony Walker, Aussie [insert name
here], etc.).
- You ever protested a planned apartment complex that was to be built
within a mile of your house - but don't mind more big box retail stores
like Target and Home Depot.
- You ever bragged about how many years it has been since you last
visited Downtown Buffalo.
- People get lost trying to find your house.
- You ever questioned the name "Eastern Hills Mall."
- You could care less about the Bills, but you have season tickets for
the Sabres.
- You think Eggertsville is a slum.
- You rarely venture south of I-90, except to go to the ski resorts, the
Walden Galleria and Sabres games.
- Half of your wardrobe consists of Tony Walker goods or Aussie T-shirts
("Give Blood - Play Hockey," "Pain is Temporary - Pride is Permanent,"
etc.)
- Your property tax bill is higher than your mortgage payment.
- You have more than ten cloth baseball caps, all of which have very
tightly curled brims.
- You think a three foot slope is a major hill.
- Your house has a circular driveway, or a concrete pad perpendicular to
your driveway to park yet another Acura.
- You ever totaled your Lexus by crashing into a deer.
- The name of your favorite restaurant ends in "Trattoria," "Bistro,"
"Ristorante," "Cucina," "New American Grill" or "Clay Oven."
- You holiday in Cape Cod, not Crystal Beach.
- The only bus you ever rode was yellow.
- Your neighborhood has more temples, mosques and Protestant churches
than Catholic churches.
- You really don't see what the big deal is about urban sprawl.
- You live on a street that:
- is named after the animals and trees that were killed off to build the subdivision
- is named [insert name here] Del Way
- is named [insert name here] Lea
- has an insanely British name ("Barringtonshire Court," "Wexfordham Lane," etc.)
- has a name that does not end in the word "street" or "avenue"
- is plowed daily, even when there's no snow
- is lined with real working gaslights
- Your lot is measured in acres, not square feet.
- You think nothing of a new Wal-Mart opening up next to a vacant building that used to be a Kmart, or a new Home Depot next to an empty Chase-Pitkin store.
- You have a "service" mow your lawn in the summer and plow your driveway
in the winter.
- You say you're from Williamsville, Eggertsville, Snyder, East Amherst,
Getzville - but not Amherst itself.
- You don't have any discernable Buffalo accent whatsoever.
- You flinch when you hear someone pronounce the town name "Eee-YAM-
herst," in a Buffalo accent. You know the proper pronunciation is "AM-
erst."
Contact Tony
www.bufftony.com