The Bright Bulbs Of Buffalo
The Bright Bulbs of Buffalo
- Q: How many West Siders does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- A: I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's
boss'secretary's sister's next door neighbor's priest's cousin's union
shop steward's uncle's Knights of Columbus Club Sergeant-at-Arms'
nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
- Q: How many Delaware District residents does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
- A: One, but it takes a year to find an antique Edison light bulb so
it will be architecturally accurate.
- Q: How many Riverside residents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- A: None - Satan prefers black candles instead.
- Q: How many South Buffalonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- A: Two - one to hold the bulb, the other to give the first guy pints
of Guinness to start him spinning.
- Q: How many Williamsville/Amherst residents does it take to screw in
a light bulb?
- A: None - they have a service come in once a week and do it.
- Q: How many East Amherst residents does it take to screw in a light
bulb?
- A: One, and it will be the biggest and brightest light bulb in the
entire subdivision!
- Q: How many Orchard Park residents does it take to screw in a light
bulb?
- A: Light bulbs? ... that's so Amherst. We're above that.
- Q: How many Kenmore residents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- A: Two - one to do it and a cop to make sure he isn't doing it too fast.
- Q: How many Tonawanda residents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- A: Just one, but it has to look like every other light bulb on the block.
- Q: How many Lancaster residents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- A: None - they're afraid there's been too much light bulb development
already.
- Q: How many Hamburg residents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- A: Two - one to get the new bulb out of the snowbank, and one to
screw it in.
- Q: How many Southtowners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- A: Fifty-one - one to screw in the light bulb, and fifty members of
Spirit of Youth to sing a happy song about it at the Erie County Fair.
- Q: How many Buffalo city planners does it take to screw in a light
bulb?
- A: Six - four to write an extensive study recommending a three-way
100/200/250 watt light bulb, one to write a series of articles in the
Buffalo News praising the study, and one to put in a 10 watt bulb
instead.
- Q: How many Buffalo municipal employees does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
- A: Seven - two to administer the Civil Service examination for the
Light Bulb Administrator position, the Commissioner of Public Works,
who ends up hiring his brother for the position anyway, one to plow
the mayor's driveway, a Summer Youth student to actually screw it in,
and a union steward to protest that it's the electrician's job to
screw in light bulbs.
- Q: How many Buffalo senior citizens does it take to screw in a light
bulb?
- A: One, but they pay a telemarketer $2000 for the new bulb.
- Q: How many of Buffalo's Protestants does it take to screw in a light
bulb?
- A: Both of them.
- Q: How many Rochester residents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- A: Sixty-one - one to screw in the bulb, and sixty to comment about
how much brighter the bulb is than light bulbs in Buffalo.
- Q: How many Torontonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- A: Just one, but they leave the old bulb in the parking lot of the
Galleria Mall.
- Q: How many Nardin Academy students does it take to screw in a light
bulb?
- A: Just one -- she holds up the bulb, and the world revolves around
her.
- Q: How many Canisius College students does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
- A: Nine - one to order the bulb from J. Crew, one to buy a case of
Molson, one to hold the bulb up, one to drive the Saab in real tight
circles and five to stand around and say "duuuuuude."
- Q: How many UB students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- A: 25,000 - twenty to write the grant proposal requesting fundsto
study the effect of earthquakes on light bulbs, one to screw in the
bulb, and 24,979 to whine about how Buffalo light bulbs suck compared
to those back on Long Island.
Contact Tony
www.bufftony.com